I've been super depressed lately. crying a lot and feeling bad for myself. it sucks ass, really.

first and foremost, my older brother died. he didn't make it to 2017, but he still went out with a happy heart. i cried a lot. i cried HARD. i got depressed.

next, i got my heart broken by a woman i loved more than myself and i fell into an even DEEPER depression. im still crying a lot over her. i'm mad at her because i gave up a lot for her and even turned some friends into enemies because of her. that being said, at the same time i feel like i deserve better, BUT at the same time i feel like i couldnt find better. you dont find many short cute girls who would love a short nerd like me. honestly, breaking every limb in my body would be less painful than this. 

lastly, i'm so depressed that i'm making mistakes when it comes to getting a job, which makes me unable to get a job, and in turn makes me more depressed. i've cried 3-4 times today thinking about all of this. my life is not going how i wanted it to go. but i'm slowly trying to break out of the depression. it all starts with working harder to get a career. career = money, and with money, a lot of things become possible, like leading a healthier lifestyle, fixing my car, and getting my own place. maybe meeting new people in person will make me feel better. whoever said money cant buy happiness was misguided.

well, if you read all this, thank you for reading my rant. i needed to write it all down and let it out.